well not much to say except my mind is spinning. Now I have added pressure of thinking he may be a freaking cheater. I found an intresting txt msg from this girl that has a crush on him where he works. He was sleeping and i woke him by giving him a couple deserving punches/slaps.

I just dont know what to think. He swears on his life nothign happened but dont all cheaters do that? Then again he knows im not above reading his messages. Once i sat down and thought about it rationally I actually believe him. Egging a young 18 who has a crush on is only leading the way to actually cheating tho. The thing that makes me even more mad is this girl is a friend. We socialize every thursday and sometimes friday nights. Yoda was the first to notice that she always stares at us and when he is working he will come over to the table where we are drinking and give me some lovin. She is always the first to say something about it. I thought her little school girl crush was funny untill now. When i realize she is actually trying to get up on him.

When we fought about it I questioned him hard out and he never tripped himself up which leads me to think he is telling the truth. He admitts to leading her on and he said he thought it was funny. Is this just him feeding his male ego? The thing is when we are in public I dont care if he goes and chats a girl up or buys someone a drink. Nor does he care if it happens in reverse. Its gratifying to know other ppl think your partner is attractive. But doing it when im not around is crossing the line.

On the subject of him actually doing something I cant think of when he would have time. we are litteraly together 24/7 the only time we are apart is in the mornings when im at work and he is at school. Even when he is at work where she would be I got down everynight while he is working. If i happen not to he is txting me asking me to come down and keep him company.

before he went to work tonight he said he was going to tell her to lay off. That he is not interested. Should that give me satisfaction? Because it doesn't.

I think in any other situation this would mean nothing to me. It couldnt have come at a worse time. Im already to weak.

I questioned all his new found feelings tho. I told him I think he is just scared because there is a good possiblity that when i leave im done with this. When I told him that he said he didnt care that he would come and find me in PA if i tried to turn my back on him. Not in the creepy stalker kind of way, but the i wont let the love of my life walk out on me kind of way. Today he called and set up his visa appointment. And he has been working for a friend doing manual labor in the mornings for the plane ticket money.

blah just another layer on my cake huh!

on a very good note I talked to my dad and he got me an apartment in meadville. One of his friends is going to evict one of his tennents so I can move in for the summer ! hahahah apperently he never liked the guy living there and he has known me since i was a baby. He is one of my dads childhood friends. Kind of like a best friend but for the last 40 years. Kinda cool if you think about it. He got it for me and yoda so we would have our own place while he is building the new house.

love always