reflection

Just wanted to write down my thoughts on what has happened in the last few years of my life.

WOW




....ok maybe a few more thoughts

Major events
1. Moving out of my childhood house and to college
2.Then being homeless for nearly 4 years
3.studying abroad
4.Jaroslav
5.Revisiting NZ
6.Preparing for graduation or life there after eeeks

1 & 2 go together hand and hand. I can't believe after nearly 4 years my dad still hasnt got his act together with building this new house. Well I guess I should say he finally has his act together. Building should start in the next couple months : ) I know it took him nearly a year to decide if he even wanted to build and not buy but still. I know I am suppose to be a big girl. But not having that solid base as home is heart breaking. It makes going home so hard for me. I need my own space in the world and that was always home for me. It was always so stable. For 20 years it never changed. It confuses me to move around so much and it makes me feel very alone and abandoned. Its like no matter where I was in the world going home brought peace to my mind and body. A place where I knew I belonged. Life is hard when you do not have that one element that always remains stable.

3. I stepped off the biggest plane I'd ever seen and I Megan Kaptua was in NZ! So much of my life has changed since that fatefull day. I was finding a part of myself that i never knew existed. It awakened so many of my lifes ambitions. It gave me confidence in myself and in the life I was going to live. I was warned about culture shock but not once did I feel it. In fact I did not feel it untill I came home. That was a culture shock!
For a while I was so wrapped up in my new life and exploring what felt like a whole new universe I forgot home even existed. Without even knowing or realizing my life was changing before me. I did not have a care in the world. All I was concerned about was the amazing people I was meeeting and myself. I was not worried what others at "home" thought, or who Id run into on my next trip to walmart. (lame i know) It was Megan Time!!! I loved it. Every part of the experience. I was always a confident person, knew what i wanted and didnt let people push me where I did not want to be pushed. However when the experience was thought to be over and I moved home, I was a whole new kind of confident. I was so self aware that I could accomplish anything. Now having the power in my hands and knowing I had a CHOICE. I had the choice to come and go where ever and when ever I choose. Most importantly I discovered the power to choose where my life is going. I had always known I had the ability do this i was just unsure of how to apply it. It was the WOW moment for me. The moment where I knew I had experienced something very special and all because I decided to take the power and do something I never had before. I took a chance on myself. What I discovered after I took the chance was that I really am surrounded by amazing people I just have to reach out and make these people and places apart of my world. You see no longer did I view something like the 7 wonders of the world, or wealth out of my grasp. It was all in my line of vision. I just had to see it and reach out, make it part of my world. I can now accomplish my every dream and desire.

Upon returning home I was a new woman. Culture shock hit me double time when I returned. Nearly everything and everyone had remained constant. Something I used to value from my life. I was so different and trying to figure out everything that I now can see and write about in hindsight it was like splashing cold water on my face. The whole experience felt like a dream to me. My friends and family were a bit unsure how to approach my new desire in life. Some even questioning who I had become. Others luckily for me accepting I had experienced something very special to me. I thank God that I had the friends I met in NZ to talk to. They were the only people who knew what I was experiencing and going through because they went through teh exact transistioning that I did. Im positive that bond will always be there for us.

Now that I was home I wanted to hear what other people around the world had to say and watch how they function everyday. More importantly I want to function how they do, i want to experience what they experience everyday. So when it is all said and done im left with this intense desire buring in me to travel and make my life something amazing. Makes following my dreams a reality. Oh the trip to NZ also left me in love.


4 & 5 for tomorrow! im exhausted that brought back alot of memories.

see you tomorrow : )
xoxo
meg